Make it your first priority to understand the other person’s perspective, even if you don’t agree to it. Instead, try entering your difficult conversations with genuine curiosity. And it’s a costly mistake if both of you try to begin there, since the resulting “telling tug of war” will make the conversation messier than it need be. While some of this may be important for them to hear in order to understand the impact of the situation on you, it is a mistake to begin there. Telling the other person what they did wrong, what the impact was on you, what you’d like them to do differently. In difficult conversations, you may be tempted to spend your energy telling. Habit 5: Seek first to understand, then to be understood While this kind of conversation takes longer to accomplish, you’ll usually save emotional energy and time in the long run. The win/win approach invites you to consider the conversation as a joint exploration into what could work for both of you. If you enter your most important conversations with the intent to win at the other person’s expense, then you risk prolonged and entrenched conflict and greater harm to the relationship. Get clear on the heart of the matter for you both and keep that front and center in your conversation. In difficult conversations, you want to focus on the most important topics and avoid getting side-tracked by less important matters, pet peeves, and minor annoyances. Putting first things first means attending to your priorities before you attend to lesser matters. Worthwhile ends include preserving the relationship, minimizing the debris of ongoing conflict, preventing loss of morale in the workplace, encouraging workplace dialogue, and the like. The end you want to visualize shouldn’t be one in which the other person “sees the light,” changes their opinion, or does things your way. It’s worth advance thought before simply plunging in. In difficult conversations, you want to have a “big picture” image of success before you start the conversation. Proactive people engage the important conversations in their lives.īeginning with the end in mind means having clarity about your destination before you proceed. Avoidance of important conversation usually allows frustration to fester and the divide to widen. When you act proactively in a conflict situation, you step up to the difficult conversation rather than avoiding it. When you make that assumption, you postpone or avoid the important conversation that could change matters. Here’s how to use them for effective conflict resolution:Ĭovey said that proactive people take initiative and “work on the things they can do something about.” In conflict, too many people mistakenly assume that they have no real hope of changing the relationship they have with the other person, whether that’s a co-worker, neighbor, ex-spouse, or former friend. The habits are applicable to having successful conflict conversations, both at home and at work. Stephen Covey’s seven habits of highly effective people have become classic pieces of leadership and management wisdom. Applying Stephen Covey’s seven habits to conflict resolution
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